We are invited to consider what we have loved about our year, how we yearn or lean into what we might do next, where there are things which need more attention. Carol has given us some questions and prompts for the four weeks till we meet again for the last time, officially (and, of course, virtually).

Last week's meeting was interrupted, for me, by extreme sickness caused by my mistakenly eating gluten. How did this mistake happen? My old habit of trying to be good, rushing about trying to finish things after the lethargy of the season, exhaustion from the (low-key, in my case) revelries of Christmas and family visits. Whatever the reason and however it came about, there was a loaf of bread containing Gluten on the Free From shelf in my local co-op, I am usually rigorous in checking ingredients on anything unfamiliar but I simply pressed 'override' on my intuition - too busy, too hungry, too impatient to check. So I return to lethargy, big time.

The recording of the last part of the session (thanks, Carol)  was brilliant to watch. And i realise how far forward I sit when we are 'live' together, how anxious I am to see and be seen, and how this somehow interferes with my actual presence, in the body. Being able to just enjoy my friends and fellow travellers from the comfort of a screen that couldn't 'see' me was absolutely inspiring. 

To honour this, I hope to create a short video of my journey as a contribution to that last session, as a way to appreciate my journey - what I would call a digital story. (There are examples of what might be a digital story in my other blog, for example, here - an early story about olives and change or in this longer video about somatic movement). I have only just been catching up on this blog, making the story visible in this easier form - words and pictures in chronological order. (from the bottom up, in case that isn't obvious). A digital story require the sort of focus that I just don't seem to have right now. 

As I look through my notes, here and in various pads and scraps of paper, as I review my notice board of paintings, photos, words and stories, the first thing I would say is that I AM NOT A PAINTER! But oh how I have enjoyed playing with paint, with colour, with texture. My new-year fold-out concertina picture (above) says something important, to me, about weaving the future, using whatever comes to hand. The image(s) above incorporate the spider web, weaving, water, and a sense of looking forward through weaving and back on this year from a place of contentment (the figure on the right comes by collage, courtesy of a local Picasso exhibition). 

What i do love  and where I feel most at home is textiles, fabric, wool, knitting, sewing. I have a soft box to create, using these materials. The image at the head of this blog is one face of that work in progress.

My crazy way to experience astrology is also something I have loved and feel moved to do more - to design my own course in my own way and my own time.

And the 'proper' course that I have begun is called Bodyfulness. Supporting my long term drive to fill myself with myself, as awareness and as peaceful connection inwards and from all that is. All the somatic work I have done fills me with that yearning, some of our journeying has moved me more towards this, as has painting and all the other practices I now enjoy. Trusting the body and its wisdom has been my biggest learning from the year we have spent together, and I know that there is so much more fun to be had - serious fun.

I wrote earlier in the year about my exploration of astrology - trying to make sense of it with a mind that skitters off at a tangent when mathematical terms like 'angle' or 'degrees' arise. A mind that can never remember which sign is in which house (or planet - or should that be the other way around?) and how to use the words in which order! So my little experiment with mapping problems and remedies into a wheel and then imagining how this might be linked with a map of astrological houses looks like this (above). Messy, huh?

Today is, apparently, a time when it's good to reflect on the connections between Jupiter Capricorn and Venus and to understand which house these might manifest in for our own individual map or constellation. It's also quite close to new year and I'm still trying to be good. I came across a little video inviting me to create a sort of treasure map or visualisation of these elements in my chart. Did some dabbling, wrote down some words and then created a collage that maps the houses, in the spirit of the words I gathered in my enquiries. The key words were growth, abundance and faith (Jupiter), powerful, flowing. Magnanimous, supportive, consistent, reliable (Capricorn) - trusting in your own way / checks and balances. It was an illogical but strangely satisfying process, imagining an overlap between the image of the wheel and this collage. I hope you can see a sort of circular progression, Dark Lilith overseeing all from my 11th house, mysterious wateriness and risk-taking in idleness, and, of course, a rainbow. I love the woman in the centre, hands on hips. What is she saying? Will she dance? In circles?
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